I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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