i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
