It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
