If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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