is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
