@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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