and she was petting her beer can
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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