Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
