the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
