just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
