Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
