there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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