Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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