with your own penis?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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