My hand turned me down
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
