The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
