The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
