I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
worst night to have a conscience
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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