What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
