sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
