can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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