I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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