Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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