I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
