We got so high we made milksteak
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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