The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
