Fine. I'll sleep in my office
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
