There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
