i was born a porn star she said
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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