the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
