We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Randomize
