I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
