so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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