I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wear drunk well.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
