I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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