I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
