My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
