he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
