did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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