i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
