It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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