I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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