is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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