A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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