Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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