laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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