I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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