Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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