My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
