1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
